CorpGoth Status Report - Cube Decor

I am an IT professional at a global corporation.  I have been working 3rd shift for the past year.  The work I do requires little to no distractions, if possible.  It has its ups and downs, mostly ups.  The best thing about it, I am the only person in the building.  I only see the other techs as they leave or come in.  I haven't seen my boss in months.  In fact, he called me the other night and said "Hello.  It's (name withheld), your boss" as if I forgot who he was. LOL

I share a huge open cubicle with my team mates.  It is now L- shaped and I have the curved part.  I feel cut off from the others and I like it.  I try not to go overboard with my decorations.  I have taken some things down and switched things around in the years I've been here. 

These guys represent my kids.  The walking windup skeletons are my oldest boys.  The pigtailed girl is my stepdaughter and the little squishy zombie duck is my youngest.  I'll have to get another one soon for the new baby but he's not here yet.

I tried to get a pic of the artwork I have hanging up.  The left is a charcoal drawing my oldest made for me.  The flower was done by the 4 year old and the last one is a printout of a voodoo doll.  I have a thing for voodoo dolls, as you can tell from the hanging toys.  One is a wood craft bat, a stuffed bat (who can have too many bats?) and a zombie voodoo doll.

Then I have my obligatory sarcastically inspirational meme magnet on my overheard cabinet.  And a mustache magnet.  Because, why not?

Finally there is my strawberry scented vampire marker with my other pens.  I actually never use this and only bought it to decorate my desk.

I would bring in more things but I get enough slack for being the weird one in the group as it is.  Being the "weird one" in IT is saying a lot.

Pregnancy and irritability

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and extremely irritable.  I am unmotivated.  I am impatient.  I am miserable.  I've had a pretty difficult pregnancy this time around.  I figured having done this 3 times already, it wouldn't be a big deal. 

Every pregnancy horror there is, I've got it.  Heartburn, insomnia, gestational diabetes, low lying placenta, bleeding, inflamed pelvic cartilage are just a few treats.  I am absolutely miserable.  I don't want to do anything.  I want to sleep until this little guy is here. 

I can't sit for very long which makes work super fun.  I have a desk job and I sit for about 8 hours straight.  I have to eat every few hours or else I pass out.  I forget quite frequently.  I'm used to eating one big meal a day and then about one or two small meals the rest of the day.  I can't do that now.  I have to eat ALL THE TIME and I hate it.

Just 6 more weeks.  I tell myself it's only 6 more weeks.  I made it this far, I can do 6 more weeks.  Then I can start to feel human again.  I can't wait

Learn Tarot Exercises from LearnTarot.com

I love my tarot deck.  I have been playing around with my Devious Moon deck for years.  But I haven't really taken it very serious.  I want to change that.

I stumbled upon a site called Learn Tarot.  It looks like this is a free online course taking you through the deck in a different way than what I've seen before.  I don't have to learn what the teacher thinks the card means.  She tells you to interpret each card in a way that has meaning to you, the reader.  I think that's awesome.  Sometimes a card can appear to tell a story in different way depending on various circumstances; how you're feeling, the question asked, etc. 

There are exercises for every lesson.  I think this will be fun.

Exercises for Lesson 1

Exercise 1.2 - Getting to Know a Card

Shuffle your tarot deck and choose a card. Look at the image for a while. Ask yourself these questions:

• What story do I see in the picture?
• What emotions do I feel?
• How do the details in the picture reinforce those ideas?
• What is the overall mood?
• What do I think this card might mean?

This one I will do for every card.  I want to know each card and be familiar with them.  I notice with my readings, I get the same few cards over and over.  But when I try to read someone else, I'm surprised with cards I've never seen and it throws me off.  I think this will help tremendously.

Exercise 1.3 - How Do I Contribute to "Random" Events?

Choose an event from your past in which you felt victimized by forces over which you had little control. List ways you actually did contribute to this event.

This is kind of similar to something I do at work.  We have to list out 5 reasons why a system failed or any other such event causing an end user issues.  That way you can see all different ways you failed to see the big picture and to (hopefully) learn not to let it happen again.

Bloomington, IN 

 Photo credit

 The first thing that comes to mind is getting stuck here in the little town I live in.  I intended to move to Bloomington, IN where I was registered and admitted to IU.  I arranged for an apartment for my sister, infant son, boyfriend and I near campus.  It was also close enough to Indianapolis where I spent a year making friends and acclimating to Midwest life (to an extent) months earlier.  I thought everything was all set to start a new life.  So how did I end up in Richmond, IN???

Richmond, IN

 

 

 

 

 Photo credit

• I didn't save enough money to pay for the deposit
• I didn't have a driver's license and couldn't drive the truck
• I didn't stand up for myself and refuse to live here
• I depended on someone else to help finance the move
• I thought literally running from problems would solve them
• I refused all advice from family and friends

Well....   these were choices I made that led to "getting stuck" here.  This didn't randomly happen to me.  Granted, knowing this, I still can't accept it.  lol  But that isn't the point of the exercise.  It is to open my eyes and make me realize that nothing "happens".  There are no random events.

Tomorrow, I will do the next 2 exercises.  They are Answers from Nowhere and You Can Get What You Need

Deviant Moon Tarot Review

I have used this deck for a couple years.  I only do readings for myself, though.  I don't have the confidence to try to read anyone else.  I have always wanted to learn to read tarot cards.  I have been fascinated by divination of all sorts.  I have gotten only 2 other decks in my lifetime and they never really kept my interest.  I couldn't "get in to" them.  But then I saw this one and it is perfect.

These were designed by Patrick Valenza, an artist from Long Island.  I think they were inspired by the graveyards he used to play in when he was younger.  They images are beautiful and they really speak to me. 

My youngest son got into them when he was 2 and bent the Hierophant.  This was almost 3 years ago and I never got around to ordering a replacement or replace the deck.  I had to special order this (shocking, I know.  I can't find a decent occult shop anywhere near me that isn't really a head shop) so I can't just stop in a pick it up somewhere.  I've been using it but it's hard to ignore the fact that I know which card is the Hierophant. 

The new one is on the left, obviously.  What I really like about the new deck is the feel for them.  They are taller and slimmer.  They feel better in your hands.  The new cards have a stiffer card stock and aren't as floppy.  I look forward to using them

My husband knew I have been wanting a replacement card and he got these for my birthday.  They must have arrived sometime today because I woke up from a nap and they were on my phone waiting for me.  I was so excited!  He's so sweet.  I've been fighting another sinus infection and it wiped me out.  I have been sleeping all day every day this week.  I didn't even eat today because of it.  He always gets me stuff to cheer me up and this is definitely one of my favorite gifts.

Nostalgia and Beef Patties

I have been feeling a little homesick lately.  I grew up in NYC.  My friends and family are still there and I am out in the boonies in Indiana pretty much alone.  I have my children and husband but that's about it.  I feel really out of place here.  It's been almost 14 years and I still feel like an outsider.  I'm just too stubborn to change everything about myself to conform to the small town way of life. Even knowing it's my fault I am unwilling to lose everything about myself to fit in, it still gets to me sometimes. 

Anyway, I've been stuck in my thoughts of home lately and being pregnant, I focused on old cravings.  Jamaican Beef Patties....  I used to have one a few times a week.  There was a corner restaurant on Tremont Avenue in the Bronx which sold many yummy things but Jamaican beef patties were my favorite.  Of course, there is no where around here to get one.  I haven't had one in over 15 years.  I awoke at 4am the other morning with a huge craving for one.  So I looked up a recipe, ran out to the grocery store and made some.

It was my first time making any kind of dough too.  I was quite pleased.  It felt really good cooking again.  I haven't done much except throw something processed into the oven in months.  I hope this means I will do more cooking at home.  I think the next recipe I will search for are Munchers.  It's another fatty snack from the same restaurant.  The closest thing I've found were cheesy tots from Burger King a few years ago.  The ones I remember also had jalapeno peppers.  Fun, fun, I can't wait.

Waiting waiting waiting....

This is a new step for me.  I have always wanted to have a blog but I worried I wouldn't be able to keep it up.  That's always upsetting.  I find a blog I love and all of a sudden, no updates and it stagnates...  Also, I'm not sure what all I have to say and if it actually is worth reading.

So, as I wait, I figured I'd take the plunge and dive right in.  After reading some of my favorite bloggers' Liebster Award posts, I found out many have started their blogs not knowing what they wanted to say.  I guess this will just find it's way organically and I will just let it come to me.

It's 6am where I am.  I am awake to run some jobs for my work otherwise I would sleep in.  And by "sleep in" I mean sleep until 7:30.  I am an IT professional.  I work weird hours and I have to do some weekend coverages from home.  I don't mind working at home at all.  It's the waiting that gets to me...  I am a very impatient person.

A few things about me, I am a mother of 4, 3 boys and a step daughter.  I am married to a wonderful man and we are expecting another little boy in July.  I work full time in IT.  I am a student as well.  I was born in Canada, grew up in NYC and now reside in the Midwest.  I'm not very happy with where I live but I try to deal with it.  I have 2 cats who have issues.  The past year has been very hard for me and my anxiety hit a new high.  I love fashion but I can't afford to look the way I want to.  I love food and cooking.  I've become very antisocial and almost paranoid.  I would love to move further into the country to avoid as much social interaction as possible.

I wish there were more goth-y parent blogs.  I would love to see how other parents balance parenting and the gothic lifestyle.  Parenting is tough as it is.  Throw in the stereotypes and stigmas of being goth and you have a whole 'nother world of contention to face.  I have tried to conform and I was absolutely miserable.  I don't feel like me most days.  I am a mom and I work for a global corporation and I live in a small town.  None of those are ideal situations to look the way I want to.  Wearing black, heavy eyeliner and dyed hair don't work well here.  It causes a lot of unneeded and unwanted attention.  It's a funny contradiction.  Most people say goths look this way to get attention and many goths I know just want to be left alone.  I am the latter.  I do feel if I lived in a different city, I might be able to thrive.  But as it seems I am a misfit and I feel extremely uncomfortable most days.

That is all for now.  I will get back to my waiting...  waiting for jobs to run, waiting for my onion rings to heat up, waiting for something decent to watch on TV, waiting to wake my son for his medication, waiting for a miracle, waiting for this winter weather to STOP, and just waiting.....