Baby Chomp was supposed to have his CT scan today. I had mentally prepared myself for days about
what was going to happen. The Monday
before, I was nursing my little one and my phone rang. I usually only answer school or work
calls. I am so sick of creditors
bothering me during the day. I work
third shift and I have about 25 kids. If
I am asleep, I freak on people interrupting said sleep.
I was in a decent mood so I answered the call. It was central scheduling at the
hospital. The lady was very apologetic
for having to reschedule his appointment.
There are certain techs that need to be there since he is a little
baby. They weren’t available at the time
Chomp was supposed to be there. His
appointment has been rescheduled to this Friday.
So now I have 3 more days of waiting. I have anxiety to begin with. The longer I have to wait, the worse my mood
affects me. I am noticing that I am very
touchy. I am starting to snap at my
husband and kids. I am losing patience
with everything and everyone. I feel
angry. I feel very very angry.
I don’t want to feel this way. I am having trouble finding the time or even
the motivation to meditate. I can’t
focus on my tarot studies. I want this
feeling to go away. It’s the unknown
that bothers me so much. The “why my
baby?” questions swirl around in my mind.
I look at his sweet little face and then picture him strapped to a table
being fed into a tube to get pictures of his tiny skull. He will cry and be terrified. He will want me and look for me and dad for
help and we won’t be able to do anything.
And that is only the damn CT scan.
Who the hell knows what is in store for him?!
I have to find time to meditate today. I will find the time. I charged my crystals this past new moon and
will use them to meditate TODAY. I have
to quiet my mind. My family needs
me. They can’t feel like they are
walking on eggshells around me. It’s not
fair.
None of this is fair.
I’m going to find things to do in the meantime to take my
mind off things. I should take a walk or
something. The weather has been
tolerable lately. It was about 50
degrees yesterday. That’s perfect for
me. I love that kind of
temperature. Or I can clean. Cleaning is a great thing to do instead of
sitting around worrying.
Until then, I am going to cuddle my little guy more than he
likes. I’m going to hug my older kids a
little tighter. I’m going to apologize
to my husband. I let my emotions get the
best of me sometimes.
I think what you are going through is only natural. i thought about you yesterday and wondered how things went. Keep us posted please! I will be sending positive vibes your way! Hope all works out with Chomp
ReplyDeleteThank you! I will. This is helping more than I thought it would
DeleteYou're right, it isn't fair to make you continue the anxious waiting for another few days. But, on the other hand, it IS more fair to your little one, that he have all the right people around him to make sure they do things right the first time.
ReplyDeleteSending positive energy to you and to Baby Chomp; may he be drowsy and relaxed while they are doing the scan, so he won't be too frightened. It's amazing what babies can sometimes sleep through! Keeping fingers crossed that this will happen with him.
Sorry you are under so much stress! I hope it will all be ok!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
Delete