Sunday, March 2, 2014

Waiting waiting waiting....

This is a new step for me.  I have always wanted to have a blog but I worried I wouldn't be able to keep it up.  That's always upsetting.  I find a blog I love and all of a sudden, no updates and it stagnates...  Also, I'm not sure what all I have to say and if it actually is worth reading.

So, as I wait, I figured I'd take the plunge and dive right in.  After reading some of my favorite bloggers' Liebster Award posts, I found out many have started their blogs not knowing what they wanted to say.  I guess this will just find it's way organically and I will just let it come to me.

It's 6am where I am.  I am awake to run some jobs for my work otherwise I would sleep in.  And by "sleep in" I mean sleep until 7:30.  I am an IT professional.  I work weird hours and I have to do some weekend coverages from home.  I don't mind working at home at all.  It's the waiting that gets to me...  I am a very impatient person.

A few things about me, I am a mother of 4, 3 boys and a step daughter.  I am married to a wonderful man and we are expecting another little boy in July.  I work full time in IT.  I am a student as well.  I was born in Canada, grew up in NYC and now reside in the Midwest.  I'm not very happy with where I live but I try to deal with it.  I have 2 cats who have issues.  The past year has been very hard for me and my anxiety hit a new high.  I love fashion but I can't afford to look the way I want to.  I love food and cooking.  I've become very antisocial and almost paranoid.  I would love to move further into the country to avoid as much social interaction as possible.

I wish there were more goth-y parent blogs.  I would love to see how other parents balance parenting and the gothic lifestyle.  Parenting is tough as it is.  Throw in the stereotypes and stigmas of being goth and you have a whole 'nother world of contention to face.  I have tried to conform and I was absolutely miserable.  I don't feel like me most days.  I am a mom and I work for a global corporation and I live in a small town.  None of those are ideal situations to look the way I want to.  Wearing black, heavy eyeliner and dyed hair don't work well here.  It causes a lot of unneeded and unwanted attention.  It's a funny contradiction.  Most people say goths look this way to get attention and many goths I know just want to be left alone.  I am the latter.  I do feel if I lived in a different city, I might be able to thrive.  But as it seems I am a misfit and I feel extremely uncomfortable most days.

That is all for now.  I will get back to my waiting...  waiting for jobs to run, waiting for my onion rings to heat up, waiting for something decent to watch on TV, waiting to wake my son for his medication, waiting for a miracle, waiting for this winter weather to STOP, and just waiting.....


  1. Nice to know we have a couple of things in common! I'm expecting my first baby in august. I hope all goes well for you and look forward to updates from a rather more experienced Goth-mama!

  2. I like how honest you are about your life
    I've been reading most of your posts and
    They are refreshing.
    I've done the black clothes dyed hair piercings
    And makeup my whole life.
    My mom was very conservative and disapproved
    Completely.. I didn't care..
    I'm me.. I like those things... If someone didn't like it
    Then they didn't need to be around me.
    You're a mom a wife, you work you're responsible
    Stupid people will always find something to criticize
    No matter what.

    You're awesome